Tumbling around

Hey there blogger, it's been awhile!

Man I sure have a whole bunch of things to work out.  Falling through with blog goals is not the only thing I'm not proud of.  But you know, discouraged as it may be I'll try to iron out my kinks and keep on trying until it sticks.   I recently saw a Confucian quote that put it best, "it doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop."

You may recognize that quote from that one time you tried to edit your Tumblr template.  Yup, after months of telling my folks I'd make a Tumblr I finally made one!  In the constant critical analysis of my life's screw ups, I inferred that one of the reasons I shy away from consistent blog posts is my insecure perfection mentality when it comes to my artwork.

I don't like to admit it but all the inspiring drawings and illustrations I admire, for instance every time I look up Sean "Cheeks" Galloway or read Double K, I can't help but get a little discouraged.  And since discouragement is such an unfavorable sensation I tend to bury it by distracting myself with other, usually wasteful, activities - such as the oh so familiar comfort zones of video games or comics.  I know this is a terrible mentality but this is why I'd like to call it out here, so that I may cut it at the chord!

That's the motivation between developing disciplines: in the hopes of promoting scenarios where I live intentionally free from temptations of excuses.

Here's the link where I'll be dumping my artwork~  Who knows, maybe I'll actually get better and have things I'd like to post here. c:
http://cupnoodledoodler.tumblr.com/

Oh school

Woops, this blog been slippin my mind, yo.  Time to rectify that! ...but alas, at the moment I don't have much to say.  Preliminary thoughts: I feel a tad out of place, yet still energized to be here.  Wonder what that means.  I must tread softly, so that I don't overstay my welcome.  Most of all I must make this time count!

Random thoughts:
Am I too fluffy?  Doesn't hurt for the "safe place" but I need to work on it professionally.  Silly cynicism.

Stop cheating on your health habits!

This class line-up is purdy fun this time around.

Workin at the Lair is interesting.  In the sense that I like getting paid for real life Diner Dash.

Meetin lots of cool new peeps.  Guess not having the bros has made me more brazen and approachin' fellas n' females.



Tata for now, got homework to do~

Sunday Funday

I have no clue what that titles supposed to mean.
But alas!  Another Sunday, another blog post.  I think since school is starting up again I'll stick to a single post a week schedule.  But who knows, I might feel more generous or inspired along the line and post more.  As long as I keep the schedule splurging to a strictly positive displacement, it's all good with me.

Guess what, these oodles are finally getting some personal doodles! 

If you already know me, then you already know of my chronic obsession with drawing chubby Pikachu.  Here is but the first of many to come.  Went for the nostalgic red toned coloring scheme for this one.

I've always been awed by how comic and anime artists can visualize shade and tone in the way they do!  Here's my ham fisted attempt.  In a way this is an homage to Captain Osaka's brilliant style - I recently ordered his volume of Double K and am SO excited to get it.  Anyways, this was the first digital drawing I've done in awhile and was an exercise in drawing clean lineart, using a character for a fan Webcomic I plan on launching!  I'm proud of how it came out.  Hopefully I can pull off this style without having to rely on reference someday!

That's it for now!  Isn't it odd how many songs talk about Sunday Mornings?  Gotta go get ready for a Manic Monday...


Toodles~ <3

Random thoughts at the end of the week

Boy, this stream-of-conscious approach must be getting old, huh guys?  I need to plan out these blogs better.  Well not because I need to, but I want to.  Keeping the form has been good habit building, though!

Speaking of, habit building has been the reason for this (summer) season!  So let's root today's meditation on that. 

It's surprising how mindless we can be throughout the day.  We go through the motions during the day seeking anything instantly gratifying.  We've been conditioned to flip out our phones at every moment of silence or typing in facebook as soon as you click on the web browser.  I'd rather all my motions be intentional, thank you very much!

Most of my focus has been refreshing my health habits - regarding what I eat and how much I used to exercise (hint: none).  I remember a few months ago a friend said I had a striking resemblance to Bruce Lee.  I was immensely flattered, considering how the Brucester is my all time idol, but later that day before I showered the shirtless slab of flab that peered back at me in the mirror was far from a striking resemblance!  I've since gotten serious of building a better me: physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Discipline, determination, and drive - define what I aim for.  I suppose that anecdote comes to mind because yesterday - during a pleasant evening with my friends - a racist hobo had called me Bruce Lee.  Probably wrong that I was flattered, but this time I was fully aware how off the mark it was.  Though I'm proud to say that since last time I've gone down a couple notches on the belt!  Hard work truly does pay off.  Though it must be intentional - and never instant.  In fact you probably won't even notice until a hobo makes you take a step back and take a closer look in the mirror.   Bettering yourself is truly something you need to devote your entire life to.  No way can I afford to rest, especially with school coming up!  My last semester...I used to joke how school is a nice way to put off living in the "real world."   I know now is the best time to start, as I've already been living!  Alas, I'm still nowhere where I want to be but I'll keep walking forward.  Next on the list - planning out blogs!

Toodles <3

Dat anime

So this summer I've taken the chance to explore means of refining myself, and a big part of that was reconnection - not only with family but with my influences.  I've attempted to inspire my work through seeking works of other artists whom I admire and engaging in meticulous analysis.  However, I've since come to realize how backwards I've been!  One gets trapped within the awe of what can be achieved instead of focusing on what can be improved.  The goal is not to emulate a style but to recognize what appeals to me in order to strengthen my sensibilities.

Thus I've taken the moment to step back and to remember the cumulative experiences that define me until this day - to have a clear sense of where I am, so that I may focus on going forward from there.  In today's topic we'll explore one of my biggest influences: Anime.  In fact, characters like Rock Lee,  Goku, Edward Elric have all definitely influenced my ethos as a whole. (I certainly still eat like Goku)

I used to consume anime on a daily basis - fanboying on forums and learning ninja seals - I haven't followed a series in years!  I tend to joke that Gurren Lagann, my favorite completed series, "broke" anime for me.  Having set an impossible standard of epicness that makes all others pale in comparison.  And for the most part that's true.  It's hard to follow the feel-good, man tear inducing, story of the triumphant human spirit, with battles on the scale of Galaxy sized shuriken.  Everything else since then had generic art styles with dragged out monologues and hastily animated stills of extreme close ups.  It's as if what anime became to Japan as soap operas are to America!  I had gradually come to prefer the pacing of manga and eventually fell off the anime wagon - so to speak.  It didn't help that their seemed to be a stigma against it amongst my professors.

But this season things changed.  I had felt nostalgic with how enamored I used to be with the medium so I took the leap and buffered Attack on Titan.

Boy was that ever one of my greatest choices in life. Though the storytelling is thematically the complete opposite of Gurren Lagann, I absolutely love it.  It took my opinion of Japanese animation on it's head.  Now it still takes some typical shortcuts, the texture and atmosphere of the artwork was phenomenal.  That 3-D Maneuver action is amazing (step up yo' game Spider-Man cartoons)!  The characters are pretty compelling despite being pretty one note, probably because the world they live in is twisted and terrifying.  Plus, the thrill of the mystery kept me on the edge.  Real talk though: what's in that damn basement?!  I've never been one to jump on any band wagon but...

Watch it.

Make love to it.

Found myself spending the day catching up on the manga after the anime ran out of episodes, haha.  It will make you sweat profusely in awe of its intensity.  I'm gushing more than explaining right now so I'll cut the chatter here.

But seriously go watch it.

toodles <3 

Baby steps

Oh hey, what's this?

A successive post as planned??  That's new.  You better bet that there will be a whole bunch of new stuff happening. 

To be totally honest, I wanted to post something specific today.  Wanted to actually get a doodle up here.  But alas I let time get away from me as I chose to focus my attention elsewhere.  Normally that would stop me from posting altogether.  But today, I'm going to adapt so that I may keep my word.  Today, I'm trying something different.  Trying to something better.

Perhaps the word "trying" is the wrong word.  In the immortal words of Master Jedi Yoda: there is only, "[d]o, or do not.  No try."

I admit that I've always had the ambition and the passion to pursue so many ideas - too many, in fact.  Have you ever endeavored to do too many things at once?  It gets overwhelming and eventually you lose focus, ultimately falling short of everything in a failed juggling act.  This problem plagues me to this day, but I've girded my loins and am combating it with  clarity, discipline, and acceptance.

With clarity, I will clearly line out my goals.  No vague ninja riddles.  Instead of "I'm going to make blog posts more often," it will be, "I'm going to make blog posts every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday!"

With discipline I will block out all distractions and excuses.  We humans can be incredibly talented at many things and rationalization happens to be one of them.  It's way too easy to say, "I'll just do it when I'm better motivated," or "I'll just have one bite, this time", but a goal is a goal is a goal!  So I'll be following through as a grown ass-man.

With acceptance, I'll be less hard on myself.  One easily falls into the trap of perfectionism.  That's one of the main reasons I've shied away from posting many things.  You feel embarrassed because you think you could have done so much more.  Hell to tell you the truth I have half a mind to not post this at all!  Because - blah - let's face it, I sound like a overactive high school kid who just discovered his first self-help book.  Haha.

So there you have it.  Behold this shameless rushed mess of a blog post.  This may be the worst thing I've ever published!  And that's awesome.  Because I'm actually DOing.  From the worst it can only get better.

incoherently yours <3,
Stephan

Take care 'till Thursday!

Classic Stephan

Oh hai.  Back again my lovelies~

Let's not avoid the elephant in the room.  A post or two ago I might have promised a more rigorous weekly publishing schedule...and as you may have noticed it's been well over a week.  Months even. Though odds are I'm the only one reading this.  So that's a relief, tee hee.  Except no.  Get you're shit together, me!

So no more empty and naively ambitious promises from me.  You're just going to see me do it! 

To encourage the habit it would be appropriate to meditate on why I've always wanted to keep a blog.  Truth be told, for a long time I've had the feeling that my real life friends and acquaintances have gotten too comfortable in assuming who I am (God bless them, nonetheless), as if they've type-casted me as their happy-go-lucky good guy friendo.  Isn't it especially frustrating when those whom you hold closest merely assume things of you?  It goes something like this: "Oh here comes Stephan!  What kind of whacky thing will he say today?!"  "Guys, I think I'm bleeding.  Help."  "Hah.  Classic Stephan."

Naturally, I've yearned for an outlet for people to get a true and more wholesome picture of me.  Instead of streamlining their expectations, like some sort of static TV character. 

Don't lie.  You know you can only see this suave gentleman as nerdy Steve Urkel.

This is not a point of self pity because it's not just me - it seems everybody does this to everybody!  After all, it's much easier to rely on an assumption of somebody instead of taking the time to understand a situation wholly.  You cross the street to avoid running into a shady hooded figure, or you go to your helpful and studious friend for advice on work without considering that they're having a stressful day, or you neglect to notice a friend is feeling down because they're usually so playful.  It's like we've lost a deeper sense of connection.  After awhile, you start to lose yourself amongst all this generalization.

This leads to a sad revelation that it's entirely too easy to not be truthful to your self,  especially when living in this fast paced culture where people tend to streamline their impressions of others through stereotypes.  It goes like this: "I want people to start taking me seriously so I'm going to wear suits and punch more babies!" Or it could even cause you to sabotage yourself: "People always say I'm quiet.  I shouldn't even bother trying to be heard."  Either way, you start telling yourself what you should be, or how you should look, or how you should act; projecting yourself not as a living human being but as a manufactured human image.

Thus using blogger as an online journal (read: diary) has always appealed to me as a medium to record honest expressions of myself, for myself.  With the anonymity of the internet there's no real filter of someone's judgment to distract you from calling it as you see it!  

There's also no real filter of common decency.  Guess you gotta take the good with the bad, eh? :P

So what's stopped me until now?  Well I got to way too held up on what I wanted this blog to be, or look like.  Too many ideas and series aspirations gets to be overwhelming and ironically had kept me from posting in this sanctuary of honest expression.  Silly me.  

Ha.  Classic Stephan.

Alas, until I get a good grasp on this whole blogging thing, the posts will be splashes from my stream of consciousness.  In other words - it'll be coming from whatever my whims desire to express, in no particular, form, structure, tone, length, logic, or promise of grammatical professionalism.  Who knows, maybe I'll find a pattern to the madness and branch off into specifics from there.  Whatever the case, if I should ever lose sight of myself I can always refer to this special place to talk myself out of it and inspire introspection.  There's also the exciting possibility of striking a connection with like minded individuals who stumble upon this space!  So anyone who joins me on the ride, I truly hope you are entertained in some way.  Please chime in and maybe I can get to know you, too.  Enjoy the randomness!

Because that's what's in now, amirite.

Seriously.  This random show about the adventures of a talking Sponge and his magic dog using Kung Fu to save the Mushroom Kingdom from the Fire Nation has been popular for years.  

Well that's my two cents.  Penny for your thoughts?

Take care 'till Tuesday.

A taste of motivation

Here’s a question that gets thrown around a bit: “how did you get interested in Animation?”  I’d usually joke and say that all the good male stripper jobs in the army were taken, or tell some cheesy anecdote about how my beloved stuffed Pikachu bumped my head when deciding where I should apply to college (which is still totally true by the way).  In truth, ever since my mother showed me my first animated film, the Little Mermaid, I wished I could be part of that world.  

Being a senior in college, it’s easy to fall into motion of things.  For instance, meeting new people - though always exciting - tends to read like a script: you’ll incite interest with an introduction, they’ll present their name,  mention where they’re from, and state their major, then you are expected to respond in-kind.  It’s funny how people always perk up in glee whenever I mention that I’m an animation major.  “Oh that’s so cool!” they’d squeal in child-like admiration, as if they had no clue that one could make a living in such a manner.  I’d usually try to respond with humble reply, “golly, thanks.  It sure is fun, but it’s no more special than your major. ”  But in all honesty, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My existence has  always involved the awkward attempt of salvaging whatever scraps of experience my daily life could offer, in the earnest attempt to piece together an image that would show how I should function.  In short, I’ve observed that life is spent learning to live it, and others much wiser than I would attest that we go through a majority of it hilariously misinformed.  This study is a cycle that never really ends; questions are invariably everywhere but answers are few and far between! Doesn't it makes sense that things make less sense the more sensible you become?  

I wanted to be original and post the Jackie Chan meme.  But Google decided to treat us with this instead. 

I count myself lucky to have found one constant in life:  that I’ve always had an unconditional love for the world of animation. Alas, once I find out you can make a career off of making doodles I affirmed to dedicate myself to it in a heartbeat!

For as long as I could remember I’ve been drawn to the heroes and creatures that spring to life through illustration on the big screen.  Most of all I’ve had an affinity towards the stories that gave these drawings character and personality.  As a child there was an undeniable sense of magic and awe when being exposed to a new vibrant universe with each new film.  Do you remember how epic it was when Prince Philip took down the draconic Malificent?  Do you remember tearing up a bit when Mufasa fell to his death?  Do you remember cheering when Mulan defied destiny and saved her empire by shooting the evil king of the Huns with Eddy Murphy?  I sure do.  Even today I would be at the edge of my seat, feeling for those heroes who faced moral dilemmas and overcome all odds with the conviction to preserve what they love with passion.  

The point I’m making is that animation is the perfect medium for depicting a sense of wonder while conveying the pure essence of the human condition.  A completed film is the culmination of countless artists reflecting  a pure interpretation of life and emotion.   We’re devastated by each new tragedy, troubled by each struggle, and ultimately overjoyed and inspired with every victory.  Watching animation is not merely escapism, it’s a learning experience.   My generation consists of people who were raised by these animated fairy tales and I contend that this visual storytelling was my greatest teacher growing up.   I ascribe to the philosophy  made clear in the words of a certain conscientious cricket who upholds that the "most fantastic, magical things can happen, and it all starts with a wish." Thus, my fondest wish is to be able to make a living by giving back to the medium that I love, of which I owe my entire being, by contributing the utmost extension of my talents.

However, I’d be lying if I said that my perception of the industry hasn't gotten a little jaded in my four years of studying animation.  To have any sort of career in it, the aspiring animator must understand that the world of animation is as much a business as it is an art.  This aspect is terrifying, considering how Practicum class has never failed to remind me how expendable an artist really is to any studio.  Just getting your foot in the door is difficult in and of itself!  And the job offers get narrower.  Recently, big studios such as Rhythm & Hues filed for bankruptcy, and Dreamworks is letting go of 500 workers! This is terrifyingly reminiscent of our industry's dark ages, where 2D Film was in harsh decline, was saved only by the shiny spark of CG Animation with the advent of Toy Story. Thus, being able to support yourself, let alone a family, on a consistent income in this business is becoming a steadily less realistic vision.   

Pictured: Post grad.

Taking all these into account, the passionless artist may find it easy to entertain  the notion of alternative career paths in exchange for less stress and more sunlight.  

I know far too many people who’ve changed aspirations because they’ve felt the endeavor to be unwarranted.  As troubling as it may be, though Animation is indubitably the marriage of art and business, I understand that it is first and foremost given life by artists.  For me, no matter how aware I am of the obstacles inherent in this risky business, my overflowing passion for the art surely would trump any troubles.   As an artist I have a purpose outside myself, meaning that any doubts I have are only minute distractions brought about by my selfish inclinations. My biggest ambition is to tell a story that will have the whole world grinning - I want to create, and to stir the souls of those who view it.  If what I produce could resonate with the audience enough to make even grown men cry, then I’ll know I’ve done a job well done.   All an all, it is my duty as an animator to remind children and adults of all ages that there is still magic in life and I refuse to allow any doubts to impede my progress towards realizing my goal: to flourish as a story teller.

I understand how naive I must sound.  

 Surely, it’s almost selfish of me to doggedly pursue a career that so obviously is detrimental to my well being.  Though I’d gladly absolve to live off of ramen noodles for the rest of my life for the sake of creating art, I may be guilty of betraying the efforts and wishes of my family.  My mother sure didn’t slave away to scrounge together the assets to support my education, only to have me become a starving artist.  It used to be you take whatever job necessary to support your family.  What makes me so entitled that I may chase my childish dreams?  I’ve discussed with my mom this very thing, and though she was initially skeptical of my pursuits, I’ve convinced her with my passion.  She said every parent wants to give their child what they weren’t able to have, and she’s proud that she’s made it possible for me to dream.

Even so, I am wary of believing in an out of the blue happy ending that early films of fairy tales romanticized.  However, I do recognize that there’s always merit in aiming for a happily-ever-after; sometimes we just need that hope.  The path I’ve chosen for my future will be anything but easy.  I admit that at times I am humbled by the overwhelming ability of others already in the business; as an amateur in a competitive industry, one’s confidence in one’s own ability is easily shaken.  However Kung Fu Panda, one of my favorite stories, put it best: “there is no secret ingredient.”  In fact, kung fu is a term referring to any skill that is harnessed through patience and energy.  Gardening can be kung fu, singing can be kung fu, and animation is definitely my kung fu.  As the renowned kung fu practitioner Bruce Lee once said, "art is the way to the absolute and to the essence of human life. The aim of art is not the one-sided promotion of spirit, soul and senses, but the opening of all human capacities to the life rhythm of the world of nature." Who knows where this may take me, a silly thing like unemployment will never be excuse to grow stagnant!

To sum it up, though there’s an apparent decline in jobs within the industry - my will to be part of that world stands unfaltering.  History tends to repeat itself after all, so this simply means I’m of the generation who has to spark it back into a new, shiny era.  It is in our conviction to do so out of love, and out of passion for the powerful storytelling that inspires infinitely and beyond.  As the father of animation himself has said: “we keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." We’ll find a way, that’s simply the nature of the magical medium we cherish.

1 week later...

Hey yall!

Oh, just me then?  Perfect!  All the better to lay out my personal plans (for this blog especially).

For now, I believe a post  a week shall be fine.  As for the content of the post, that's a more difficult question.  Except not really, randomness should do.  Everyone likes random, right?

In all seriousness, I think it will be good exercise to chronicle studies of my favorite shows, films, games, comics etcetera - in meditation of why I like it, how I might have tried to do it better, an analyzation of the techniques, and so forth.  It's always good to reaffirm just what you like and why you like it!

I also will probably use this as outlet to post some drawings and other inquiries.

So yeah, keeping it general and random I suppose.

In other news, thanks to a riveting Animation Panel and Practicum class, I am currently basking in an inspiration high!  Let's see how long I can ride this wave out.  In honor of such an occasion, I'll be posting my sappy essay I had to write for Practicum about why I'm pursuing animation.


Until next time,
Conveniently motivated

...and lift off!

Oh hai.

Welcome to my blog!   Have a seat and stay awhile~

For added incentive, here's a Pikachu cat.

This salutation is naturally extended to all of you who are kind enough to give my pixelated thoughts the time of day.  Though, admittedly it's partly a jab of irony retorted at myself.  To explain, this is only my third post ever since I've aspired to regurgitate my inquiries in blog form in my Senior year of high school - and yeah, I'm a Senior in college now.  I know what you're thinking; "What happened bro," asked the hypothetical reader.

One of the main factors is a sort of paralysis by being perfectionist.  I've had a vision of my ideal website and had put off posting until the layout and design was fully completed.  But as is the curse of the over ambitious, the time consuming reality of the matter took awhile to sink in.  I've come to realize that it's silly to have spectacle hinder the output of content.  It's a shame it took four years and a fortune cookie to learn that.

(I planned on listing a second factor, but I'll spare you that for another day as it dawdled on and was regrettably almost too preachy! Haha)

All in all, I've had to a history of passionately pursuing projects only to lose focus, like a burnt out rocket floating listlessly in empty space.  But yeah, let's cut that bullshit out: as an exercise of discipline I'm launching this new blog - of simple design (for now) - as refuge for my restless mind's refuse.  And I plan to keep going strong- and I do wish you'll join me.  I truly hope you'll find your time wading through my stream of consciousness both enjoyable and entertaining!

Lastly, some credit is due.  Big thanks to http://nexxnecis.deviantart.com/ for making the image that graces this blog's background.  (Shout out to Google for helping me steal it without permission. D;)





Until next time friends!
- Team Rocket is blasting off again~